Falling Water

I really love this photo. I think what I love is the simplicity. I was at the botanical gardens and right in the middle there was a fountain, this was the top of the fountain where it would shoot the water up and it would come falling back. Strangely it reminded me of when people throw babies in the air and catch them, the freedom and joy in the faces of the babies, because they know that they will be caught and get to do it all over again. It's kind of sad to know that we loose that trust and freedom, as we put expectations on our lives and loved ones that lead to disappointment.

Placating

Dear Diary,

Today I commented on a blog that I read occasionally when the title sounds interesting. The comment that I made was to my mind simply a different perspective, but the blog author took great offense to the comment. To start with I did post anonymously, not because I was trying to hide who I was but because it was easier. I will admit that if a person writes a negative comment and does so anonymously it comes across as cowardly, but I do not feel my comment was negative. To my way of viewing it my comment was actually more positive than the other comments. Once she questioned the anonymity I replied explaining that I meant no offense and leaving my name.

The blog was about a woman who was taking a celibacy break to regroup from (her words) "the parade of douches in my life". The post I read today was titled "Celibacy Fail" sounds interesting right, and it was. Her post came down to the fact that she had meet a guy and was now dating him, because he seems nice. My comment was " Reality check, they all seem nice until they seem douchey. Maybe the reason you seem to meet douchey guys is because you feel they are worth breaking a commitment to yourself, if he really is a great guy not only will he honor your commitment to yourself but he will be supportive and encouraging of said commitment." What I don't understand is what there is to take offense to in this comment. Isn't that like taking offense to someone saying you deserve to be respected?

The point of my entry has little to do with what her post was about or even what my comment said. My post is why does every comment have to be placating the writer of the blog? Every other comment was placating, I went through some of this blogger's older posts and guess what every comment this blogger has gotten (that I read) is placating, it's not sharing of other insights or perspectives, it's mostly patting this lady on the back for everyday stuff or telling her that they agree with everything she said. 

I wondered if other blogs were like this so I headed over to some of my favorites which you can find on the right side panel. Not really, most comments are positive, (but I feel that my comment was positive, just not what the blogger wanted to hear) but they share personal experiences that are related, or give additional info. Maybe the point of this blogger's blog is to have people tell her how wonderful she is, if that's the case I have to wonder about her self-esteem, and how her regular readers know this. Maybe I don't understand because I don't really write to amuse the masses. My writing serves a cathartic purpose, If others read it and can help me figure things out, point me in another direction, or just give me a different perspective for my random thoughts and entries then all the better.

I do not want people telling me they agree with everything I have to say, I want their insights. I want something that can help me to better my understanding of the topics I write about. I would love if someone were to read this and be able to tell me what was offensive about my comment to the other blogger, shed some light on it so I can see it in the same way as the blogger whom I inadvertently offended. Moral of the story if you read my blog do not feel the need to placate me, do feel the need to give it some thought and share your perspective.

So do you think most bloggers want to be placated? I'll have to think so more on this.

Until next time,
Me

Self Diagnosing

Dear Diary,

Do you know what bugs me? Self Diagnosing. I know people who look at symptoms and decide what is wrong with them, maybe based on past experience, maybe based on a little google research, but mostly based on a combination of what they are hoping is the wrong and what will sound the most sympathy worth. My younger sibling (YS from now on) is really good at self diagnosing physical symptoms like if YS has a cough it must be a cold, unless YS wants to go somewhere and a cold would interfere with desired plans, then it's just allergies. Also self diagnosing is convenient because the diagnoses can change as needed. YS wanted to go out the night before and tells everyone it's fine it's just allergies, but the next day when YS was supposed to clean, "I can't I just don't have the energy I have a terrible cold". This is not such a big deal since YS lives alone and not cleaning doesn't affect anyone else, but it's an example I've heard numerous times.

The self diagnosing that bugs me most is the mental diagnoses. BB's favorite self diagnoses is OCD neat freak. I'm going to point out I have seen no evidence that would lead anyone to believe this diagnosis is accurate, but that doesn't stop BB from sharing this self diagnoses with the world as though it were an actual diagnoses. What I do have is evidence that this diagnosis is not fitting for BB. BB has some indoor pets (Okay this is a personal belief, but I do not think that a true OCD neat freak would have an indoor pet) since these pets live indoors they potty indoors, BB does not seem to smell their potty as strongly or as quickly as SO and I because BB does not clean the potty as often as SO and I would prefer. Also BB, SO and I have lived together for many months now and BB never cleans unless out of town company is coming over and then only if it is BB's company. That means that in the many months we have lived here BB has vacuumed twice, let me repeat that for you in capitol letters so it sinks in BB HAS ONLY VACUUMED TWICE. What OCD neat freak can go months with out vacuuming? I can't even go weeks without vacuuming and I honestly do not think I'm a neat freak. The OCD part looking at that on it's own, there are things that BB likes a certain way, like where the table is in the eat in kitchen. Do I think this is a sign of OCD no I think it has more to do with BB trying to assert authority, and I stubbornly move the table farther into the corner and out of the way on a regular basis (maybe that means I'm OCD, no it means I like the table out of the way so I can get to the washing machine).

What really baffles me about the mental self diagnosing, why would you want people to think you have mental problems? Even if you really thought you had a problem, wouldn't you talk to your shrink about it and try to overcome these problems? Did I miss the memo that having a mental disorder was a good thing, is it hip now? I have no problem with people embracing their quirky habits. If you are a neat freak, love who you are. If you are NOT don't tell people you are, you should love YOUR QUIRKS not some other persons quirks.

Until next time,
Me

Perfection

Dear Diary,

It seems a number of the blogs that I read have been discussing perfection. Although I have had a entry that touched on this slightly, I've not  really talked in depth about this, and I might have insightful thoughts on this, or I might ramble we'll have to see.

To start with I do not see myself as perfect, even for the definition I use. Oh yes, I should probably explain my take on this. I think there is no perfect, perfect, but rather many perfects. I think that everyone has the potential to be the perfect version of themselves. I admire where people are going when they say there is no such thing as perfect, however, this takes away the motivation to strive for perfection. I think there is a best or perfect version of every individual, that encompasses all of their personal quirks, dreams, and uniqueness.

For explanations sake we will use myself as an example. I am not my perfect self, I'm a pretty good version of myself, but I feel that I can work on areas. I know that I can work harder at the exercise regiment, and I can measure food portions, and that would take me a step closer to my perfect self, but not because I would be thinner or healthier, but because I would be learning to over come emotional battles and I would be teaching myself better dedication and self discipline (side note I do not think that plastic surgery has a place in anyone's perfect self). Mostly I feel that my perfect self would be more understanding of others, this is something I am actively working on, trying to put myself in the position of other people so that I'm less judgmental of them. (honesty insert I am striving for this because I was noticing that my animal print friend (APF from now on) is a very judgmental person and I do not want other people to view me that way, I don't seem so noble now do I?) There are so many things I need to work on to become close to my perfect self, my perfect self would not only accept my quirks and things that make me unique but would love them and flaunt them as a symbol of how they make me perfectly me.

Until next time,
Me

Sprung a leak

I recall the hike where this photo was taken, it was one of the shortest hikes, in fact I don't know that it was long enough or rugged enough to call it a hike, it was more of a quick nature jaunt. The point of telling you the background, although it was a beautiful area, it was short so we took pictures of everything. I did not have any expectations of this picture, I just liked the rustic feel and the obvious force of the water leaking out of the crack. I'm really glad we weren't ready to get back in the car, it made me look past the surface to find something powerful.

Enough with the unsolicited attention

Dear Diary,

Today was a good day, got out of the house spent time with Significant other (hum I need an abbreviation for that so I don't have to write it out every time ... how about SO? I know not very creative but it's easy, in fact I think I'm going to make an abbreviation key to go on the side of my blog) and did a bit of socializing. However, when have you ever known me to focus on the positive? So onto something less positive and more puzzling; how is it that some people seem to be checked-out and hit on no matter where they go?

I'm being sarcastic-ish with this question, mostly because I think these people are reading into things or making crap up to feel better about themselves. Most of the time I am not around when this unsolicited attention takes place and I know more than one person who this question / observation applies to. This thought is prominent in my mind because I am living with my Best Buddy (now to be known as BB, another abbreviation for you) who is one of these people, but there are others who fit in this category as well. I look at the people in my life who claim to be hit on or checked-out on a regular basis, and most of them are average in appearance, I wouldn't say that any of these people are ugly by societies standards, but I wouldn't say that any of them are beautiful by societies standards. So it's not like I'm having some sort of self-esteem issue here because lets face it I do not get hit on or checked-out on a regular basis; but from what I see neither do they.

One example of my BB claiming to get checked-out; we are walking along a long stretch of sidewalk, and a person of the opposite sex is walking towards us, the person walking towards us smiles in our direction as we walk past. BB lowers voice and says something along the lines of 'did you see that person checking me out?'. Now I have two issues with this; the first being isn't it common courtesy to acknowledge other people and isn't this generally done with a smile and bit of eye contact? The second issue being the other person also made eye contact with me as they smiled and passed, why would you assume that IF any checking out was being done, that it was not me being checked-out? Okay so that was my example as to why I think people who are always claiming to be hit on / checked-out are reading into things.

Next onto why I think they may also make crap up to feel better about themselves. I will use another friend for this example I don't want to pick on BB too much, and these stories are pretty universal for this type of person in my experience. So this other friend I will call pink friend (I guess I need an abbreviation for this person too, I now dub them PF). So I have gone out with PF lots of times to lots of different places, and I have never seen anyone hit on or check out PF. However every time PF talks to me about somewhere PF has gone without me, doesn't matter where (grocery store, mall, the mechanics), someone was hitting on PF or checking PF out. To hear PF talk you would think they were a highly recognizable celebrity who never wore a disguise unless I am with PF. Now I understand that a person who finds PF attractive may not find me attractive, but what are the chances that PF would be inundated with unsolicatied attention all the time with the ONLY acception being when I'm around? I just don't buy it.

The point of these stories is really me wondering about how people get to the point where they need so much admiration from others that they read into simple common courtesies and make up fictional attention? Okay so BB is single and looking for love but PF is happily married. I feel that maybe society is partly to blame, I know that movies and magazines get blamed for a lot that is wrong with society, but how many times can you be shown over and over that if you are worth something, if you are beautiful, if you are successful, people will fall all over themselves to shower you with attention. Besides random strangers checking you out or hitting on you say nothing about you as a person, the way I see it, it says more about the random strangers and their superficiality, because lets face it if they don't know you and are hitting on you it's not for your brains (unless they are zombies, then chop off their head and run because they are generally travel in groups).

Until next time,
Me