Involuntary attempted suicide

Dear Diary,

Thus far I have talked about things that I felt were somewhat important or thought provoking, even if only to me. And this entry is no different; well maybe it’s a little different. This entry is about involuntary attempted suicide.  What is involuntary attempted suicide? In my case that would be my body trying to kill me while my mind has no knowledge of my body’s treason. You are still not sure what I’m talking about, I can be clearer but you are probably not going to like it.

 Yesterday I was driving home and I was feeling rather gassy, I knew it wasn’t going to wait till I got home, and I was in the car by myself so I let ‘er rip. I know this is not something anyone wants to know. It was the worst smell I have ever smelled. My eyes got all water and I could barely breath, I hesitated to roll down the window because it was raining. Then my brain function returned and reminded me that it was a little water as apposed to imminent death. know not what you were planning to read today, I’m sorry but where else can you talk about a near death experience like this?

Untile next time,
Me

Grammar Tyrants

Dear Diary,

I have found a draw back to making this diary public; there are topics I’m afraid to address. However, I have made a commitment to myself to use this public forum as a diary. Looks like I have also found a benefit to having a small following. Here I begin my attempt to break out of my comfort zone. The topic that I am currently apprehensive to address is my take on spelling and grammar. I am admittedly terrible at spelling and part lazy part ignorant when it comes to grammar. I am pretty good with using the right words in the right places, but punctuation leaves me scratching my head. Why do we need a comma, semi-colon, and a colon? 

That last sentence is why I didn’t want to address this topic, because now someone will feel obliged to tell me why. Not to mention make them read my diary entries with a more critical eye.  I guess I appreciate that. The problem is I’ve been taught before, it just doesn’t stick. Maybe I’m just not a detail oriented person or maybe I don’t care enough. Either way sometimes I misuse or omit punctuation; anyone who has read past posts already knows this. To clear up any potential misconceptions here, if you see a spelling or grammar error feel free to tell me. Maybe with enough repetition it will sink in. Hey you never know.

So now that I have admitted my short comings with regards to the English language (I have many more with other languages). The point I want to get to is my feelings regarding grammar tyrants. To be blunt I feel like grammar tyrants need to get over themselves and start listening to the thoughts and ideas expressed and just let the punctuation and misused words go. I see so many comments to thoughtful posts and articles picked apart by grammar tyrants, is that really necessary? I understand that grammar might be one of your strengths but that doesn’t make your ideas more valid. I have heard the argument that it confuses the reader; do you really want to claim this? (If someone writes “Regardless of weather the child dressed her age or not, rape is rape.” instead of “Regardless of whether the child dressed her age or not, rape is rape.”  with your intellectual powers you cannot determine that, this comment has nothing to do with the temperature outside?) If that is the case, if you honestly thought that comment had something to do with state of the atmosphere, you have my sympathy and may continue to post remarks about grammar.

If you did understand that the person used the wrong word for whatever reason, then listen to the message. Grammar tyrants go on and on about what the abundance of grammatical errors means for our future.  I wonder what it means when people spend so much time looking for errors that they miss the message. I wonder what it means when people are quick to submit corrections rather than provide constructive solutions. We understand that you are smart and want the rest of the world to acknowledge it, and we do we admire your sentences with nothing left dangling. There are many people who do not have the education to match your grammar abilities, but life has taught them many things that are worth listening to. So please put down your red pens and listen to the intended meaning. I’m sure that I have given you many opportunities to use your red pen here. If you must employ your red pen of power do it here where nothing much is being said.

Until next time,

Me

Childhood dreams

Dear Diary,

Today's post is a writing prompt from studio thirty plus, the prompt was "childhood dreams" here are where my thoughts lead me with this prompt.

When I was a child I had the same common dreams that most children have, to grow up to become a veterinarian, a firefighter, an film star or an astronaut. As you probably guessed I am none of these and no longer have the desire to move into any of these career fields. As I got older my career ambitions changed with my interests; with all of my childhood dreams eventually getting lost along the way as life became more about reality rather than fantasy.

As I got older my dreams were less about what I would be doing and more about what my life would be like. I dreamed of growing up and owning a home (which I would layout and build on graph paper). I dreamed of getting married (nothing specific just a lavish wedding to an ambiguous person). I dreamed of having children (no specific number just the right amount to complete our family). I dreamed of having a dog (again not a particular breed, just a loving pet). The problem as time goes by life has a way of progressing whether your life matches your expectations or not. As life goes on I realize these are things society told me I should dream of, these are things that every child is supposed to dream of. What about what I really want in my heart? Why was I never encouraged to explore what was in my heart and let it blossom, why was I given other peoples dreams and told to take them as my own?

As a child you are given things to dream of.
Everyone should want to be a hero or celebrity. What about people who don’t like being the center of attention?
Everyone should want to get married. What about people who fall in love with someone of the same gender?
Everyone should want to have children of their own. What about people who are infertile?
Everyone should want to own a home. What about people who want to move often or don’t want to worry about home repairs?
Everyone should want to have a pet. What are the people who are allergic to animals supposed to do?

Is this really fair to give every child the same expectations for different lives and experiences?  The child me would be very disappointed with the results of my current life, and for quite a while so was the grown-up me. I did not become a celebrity of any kind; I am a faceless office worker who pushes paper, I like that I can act crazy and it doesn’t matter because nobody knows who I am. I am not married; I am in a committed relationship and feel lucky to love SO and know the SO loves me. I do not have children, SO and I love children, we tried to have children and found that a biological child was not the path for us (that is a post for another time). I do not own a home; I rent and right now I relish the fact that if something breaks it is not my problem. I do not have a pet, and I love that I don’t have to clean up after one or find someone to care for it if we want to go out of town.

Does that mean that I never want any of these things? No dreams are fluid they change with life and experience. Eventually I would like to own a home when I’m ready to pick one place and stay there for a while. SO and I would love to foster children and maybe eventually adopt, but life has more to teach us before we feel we are ready to take that step. Will SO and I ever get married, maybe, but right now we have a good, healthy relationship that married couples everywhere should envy (to be honest I’m afraid marriage might ruin the perfection of what we have now).  As for a pet, I love animals, but I do not feel that people should have ownership of other animals.

The point of this is children will always dream of what society tells them they should want. Society needs to change what we tell children. Children should dream of being happy. Children should dream of feeling unconditional love from their future partner. Children should dream of their love being accepted and appreciated for what it is. Children should dream of a career where they feel excited to go to work. Children should dream of all the other wonderful things that are in their hearts. If a child has a love of space, then let them dream of being an astronaut, but don’t tell them that all children should want to be astronauts. If a child loves to dance, then let them dream of being a ballerina, but don’t tell them that all children should want to be ballerinas. Some kids are afraid of the dark, and some kids are not graceful. Some children dream of a faceless job where they excel. Some children dream of someone to love them so much they will not worry about marriage. Some children dream of being an average person that blends into the majority. Some children don’t know what they dream, but when they find their dream they just know.

Looking back, I was a combination of those last few. Society would not accept my dream so I dreamed the dreams I was told I should dream, but I followed the dream that was in my heart. I can’t say that my life is perfect or that I don’t dream that things will change, but I can say my life is pretty good. To others my life might look more like a nightmare than a dream, sometimes it looks that way to me too. I just know that when I really think about the things I was told to dream, I know they couldn’t have made me any happier than I am now, and in some cases those dreams caused me a lot of pain.

Well that was rather long, and personal. I don't know if this is where I thought I would go with this when I started writting it, but hopfuly by exploring these thoughts I have learned something about myself and the expectations put on my by society verses the expectations I put on myself. Always something more to ponder...

Until next time,

Me