Apprehension

Dear diary,
As my scholastic adventure approaches I find myself apprehensive. I know that in the past I have done well but it's supposed to get harder. I kind of like being the smartest person in an average class. In high school I tested out of the main stream classes, and ended up in a few advanced placement classes. I hated those classes because when I was in classes with the really smart kids I was just in the middle of the pack. I have this weird thing where if I'm not doing better than others I feel like I'm failing.
Side note this is probably why I am so over weight, it takes me 12 -15 minutes to run a mile, other people can do it in a third of that, so I just walk and pretend I was never really trying. The thing is when I try and fail I have a hard time letting it go. Also when I slack off I have a hard time getting back on track.
I guess the good thing about going back to school is the accountability. I realized that if I don't get an A it really only affects me but there are deadlines and standards that someone is holding me to. I thrive in these conditions, if I am the only one checking in on my progress nothing gets done. If someone else is looking over my shoulder I am trying to impress them or more accurately not give them a reason to judge me.
Back to my apprehension, I haven't attended classes in quite a while, so I'm afraid I will be a little rusty. My free flowing thoughts on this blog with no actual structure or formatting hasn't helped prepare me for writing essays. I guess at least I've been writing something.
I am afraid of so many aspects of returning to college, but I'm really excited, I feel like this will be a good thing for me. Who knows maybe I'll learn to be accountable to myself in addition to logarithms and the difference between cumulonimbus and  stratus clouds. That's what college is about right, learning about yourself and the world around you and how to balance the two.

Until next time,
Me