Waterfalls

Dear Diary,

Today’s entry is presented to you by the letter ‘W’. Waterfalls, I love waterfalls. I love that they are so strong and beautiful, so determined and graceful, so powerful yet fluid. I love that water seems so benign but has the power to knock down the strongest man. I love that man has harnessed water built dams and routed it through pipes giving us the ability to turn it off and on at will, yet water is free and can knock down entire cities in tsunamis and floods and can erode the strongest rocks. I find it fascinating that water is such an important part of our daily lives that we take it for granted and forget just how powerful it is. Waterfalls remind me of the power of water, but also it’s grace and beauty. Now who wants so pictures? Well I do and it’s my diary so here they are.

Toketee Falls

Wakina Falls

Fairy Falls

Snoqualmie Falls

Twin Falls

 I'm so glad the weather is warming up, more hikes to do and more waterfalls to see.

Until next time,  

Me

Violin memories

Dear Diary,

Today’s entry is brought to you by the letter ‘V’. My grandpa played the violin and I thought he was magic. It is one of my fondest memories of my grandpa, he died when I was 8 and I don’t have many clear memories. I don’t remember him playing around Christmas when you think someone would be more likely to play. He might have played then but I don’t remember it. What I remember is pitching a tent on the lawn in the back yard; grandpa would pull the barbecue onto the lawn by the tent and we would roast marshmallows and he would play the violin/fiddle and sing. They were rarely songs I new, although he would sometimes play songs that we knew like ‘She’ll be coming round the mountain” but the last song he would play was “Twinkle, twinkle little star” then he would let us look through his telescope until we were falling asleep as we stood there waiting for our turn. Then he would get us settled into our sleeping bags before he went into the house. Hearing a violin, or fiddle always makes me think of my grandpa and our camp-outs. I also would love to learn to play the violin, well truth be told I would prefer to play the fiddle; I know same instrument different style.

Until next time,  

Me

Unibrows

Dear Diary,

Today’s entry is brought to you by the letter ‘U’. Unibrow, that is the first thing that I thought of that begins with ‘u’ so that’s what I’m going to talk about. I don’t really know what to say about them so this should be short. I don’t really understand why people have them since tweezers and waxing are cheep and effective; maybe people just don’t like pain I don’t know. What I really don’t understand is Frida Kahlo, why would she put her unibrow in her paintings? I have to admire people with unibrows and especially Frida Kahlo, they accept themselves as they are and don’t change to fit the social norm. I think that shows remarkable courage.

Until next time,

Me

Travel

Dear Diary,

Today’s entry is brought to you by the letter ‘T’, getting close to the end. Tee, Tea, ‘T’ is for travel, why because it’s awesome and I love it. I think you all need some pictures today, enjoy some of my travels.

France, Paris

England, Bath

Kansas, Goddard

Arkansas, Jasper

England, Stonehenge

Until next time,

Me

Super Spectacular Significant Other

Dear Diary,

Today’s entry is brought to you by the letter ‘S’. What else could S be for except my super amazing Significant other? SO is a wonderful person whom I love more than I can express in words. Trust me I’ve tried and I’m just not eloquent enough to pull it off without sounding cliché. I am very lucky that SO happens to love me too, I think unrequited love would be a terrible thing, but that’s a topic for another time. Instead of trying to express my affection for SO I think I’ll just write about SO.

SO is smart, like brainy smart, like PhD smart. SO is also very modest and will tell you that determination and perseverance had more to do with the PhD than intelligence; the truth is probably somewhere in the middle. SO is funny but not in an obvious way, it’s more a sarcastic funny. SO is considerate, if I have a job for the day, SO will make an elaborate dinner to show me I was missed. SO is generous, always willing to put in time and hard work to help others.

I’m really not doing a good job of conveying just how wonderful a person SO is. I feel like I’m just listing adjectives, and all the adjectives describe SO but somehow not. I think the only way for others to see how wonderful SO is would be first hand and since I can’t make that happen, you will have to take my word.

What I can do is appreciate how lucky I am to have met SO and to have had SO in my life for the many, many years that we have been not just a couple, but best friends. I love you SO and I appreciate the joy, frustrations and love that you have brought to my life.

Until next time,

Me

Recreation

Dear Diary,

Today’s entry is brought to you by the letter ‘R’. Recreation is an important part of life. There are many things I do for recreation. My favorite recreational activity is traveling; however traveling can get pretty expensive so my other recreational activities are fairly inexpensive. Some of my most common recreational activities are: hiking, camping, rafting (not white water that is pricier and occurs less often), reading, playing online games, and recently blogging. Now if only the weather would cooperate so I could participate in some of these activities I’ve been missing since September. Also gas prices could go down so I can afford to get to a campground, other wise I’ll be pitching a tent on my deck.

What are some things you like to do for recreation?

Until next time,

Me

Quiet

Dear Diary,

Today’s entry is brought to you by the letter ‘Q’. I like things quiet. Even from a young age, I liked the quiet. Libraries are a wonderful place where it is always quiet. When I was a kid, my younger sibling and older sibling would fight over music and turn their stereos louder and louder. When this happened I would take whatever book I was reading outside and sit in the peach tree in our back yard, when the weather was bad I would grab a flashlight and take refuge in my parent’s closet. My parent’s room was at the other end of the house and the walk-in closet had a door that I would close, then I would crawl over shoes and boxes into the nook in the corner and read in the beautiful silence. When my parents divorced YS responded vocally and loudly and I spent almost every night after homework in the closet reading and escaping the noise.

I still like quiet. I’m lucky to have respectful neighbors that we hardly ever hear. It works out nicely that SO is also content in quiet. Unless we are watching a movie the only sound you hear in our room is the clicking of keys or the turning of pages. The only issue with this is we want to foster kids and kids are not quiet. I often wonder how parents don’t loose their minds or at least have ear plugs surgically implanted. I know that fostering kids will be so rewarding and that SO and I will make wonderful foster parents, I’m just not sure how I will adapt to noise. Our friends have kids and we are fine around them, even though they are not quiet, but not everyday. I’m probably one of a handful of people who think about thinks like this when thinking of parenthood. For now I’ll just enjoy the quiet and daydream about the noisy and hectic times I hope our in our future.

Until next time,

Me

Pain

Dear Diary,

Today’s entry is brought to you by the letter ‘P’. Pain starts with ‘P’ and it’s something I’m unfortunately familiar with. If I had my choice I would choose physical pain over emotional pain. Physical pain heals much faster than emotional pain. The most searing, blinding, agonizing pain I have ever felt was emotional. The emotional pain was so intense I physically felt it. Then the physical pain was gone, but the emotional pain still remained, the emotional pain remains to this day. I hope that it will fade with time, but I know it will always be there.

There are times when I wish there were a physical cause for the pain I feel, because there are ways to numb the physical. I realize that everyone has pain, pain doesn’t discriminate, it is something experienced by everyone and you can’t compare pain. There are people who have chronic physical pain and they may wish their pain was only emotional. For me emotional is worse, but maybe because I’ve never experienced the physical pain of others. All I know is as much as the pain I have experienced hurts; I wouldn’t trade it for another person's pain. I think maybe we are given the pain and hurt that will help us become better people. Besides, you never know what pain someone is hiding.

Until next time,

Me

Oregon

Dear Diary,

Today’s entry is brought to you by the letter ‘O’. Oregon the most beautiful state I’ve been to. Every state I’ve been to has been beautiful in its own way; but Oregon’s beauty speaks to me. Here are some of the places I find most beautiful in Oregon, I know there are many more. 

The Oregon Coast especially at sunset is magnificent.

 

Parks full of flora and fauna.

 I don't remember what trail this was but Oregon is full of beautiful hiking trails along picturesque rivers.

For more beauty from Oregon come back for W, I have a treat planned.  (and you thought all my posts were random; surprise.)

Until next time,

Me

Would a nose on any other person be as sensitive?

Dear Diary,

Well we are now past the half way point today’s entry is brought to you by the letter ‘N’. Nose is the topic for today; this was SO’s initial answer when I asked “what is a word that starts with ‘N’?” Of course I didn’t tell SO why I was asking and at first though well that’s not helpful what can I write about a nose. Then I thought I could write about what I find attractive in noses, but that’s not really interesting, nobody cares that it’s one of the features that I’m most drawn to. Or that mine is on the small to average size and covered with freckles.

However I have a very sensitive nose, my sense of smell seems to be more enhanced than other people. That is a topic I can write about … not that anyone is going to find it more interesting to read about. My sensitive nose can get me into trouble, most often this is with YS who (how can I put this tactfully) is not the neatest person. Whenever I go to YS’s house I have to remind myself that it’s not polite to plug my nose, to breath through my mouth and not take deep breaths. There is something about the way YS’s house smells that makes me nauseous. SO can smell it and says it’s unpleasant but not as bad as I seem to think, and YS’s friends don’t seem to notice at all. Also people who have pets that potty in the house cats, hamsters, mice; to me their houses all smell like there are animals that potty in the house. I can’t have a big trash can in the kitchen, we use the plastic bags from grocery stores and take it out every night; other wise I can smell the garbage, especially if there are potato peelings in it.

This sensitive nose of mine is really annoying, I hate walking though the perfume section of department stores, I hate the whole perfume floor. Also there are stores that spray perfume into their stores; Abercrombie is one of the worst. Candle and lotion shops all the scents mingling together is not a pleasant odor either. I have to say I am lucky that smells don’t bring on migraines like they did for my mom, they are generally just unpleasant. I had a friend who was born without the sense of smell, I don’t know that I would want to loose my sense of smell but I always thought it would be nice if I could give this friend some of my extra and we could balance each other out. Now you know more about my nose than you ever wanted to, aren’t you glad you decided to stop by?

Until next time,

Me

My Magnificent Mom

 

Dear Diary,

Today’s entry will be brought to you by the letter ‘M’. My mom is what comes to mind when I think of ‘M’. I miss my mom so much; she passed away when I was twenty. I feel luck to have had her in my life for the short time I did because she was an amazing mom. I also feel like I got gypped because I lost her so soon. I have moments when someone will complain about their mother butting into their life and I wish I had their problems. Other times I’ll hear someone comment on how they have never been close with their mother and I’ll feel sorry for them. Before my mom passed away we were really close and I have a hard time understanding what it’s like to not be close to your mother. My parents divorced when I was in grade school and my mom raised three kids on her own and did a darn good job with the few resources she had.

There is so much I could say about my mom, she was smart and had many witty moments. She loved jokes that were on the corny side and would almost always laugh at puns (as long as they were clean, I never heard her laugh at a dirty joke or pun). She was one of the most patient people I’ve ever met; although being the mother of YS I guess that was kind of a requirement. She made you want to do your best and be your best without threats or intimidation. My friends in high school never really understood why I never went through the rebellious stage that they did until they got to know my mom; somehow you didn’t want her to be disappointed in you. When I made poor choices and it was quite often, my mom never really punished me like my friends got punished. My mom would just look at me (with a look that said she had expected better or me and was disappointed) but would only tell me “I trust you to learn from this, and will make a better choice next time.” How can you rebel against that?

My mom taught me so many things, of course the generic things like cooking, baking, cleaning, finances but she taught me more than that she taught me to be a good person. Not that I’m trying to imply I’m always a good person, anyone who knows me will tell you I’m not. I am a caring, understanding and loving person. I occasionally judge people unfairly but I don’t hold a grudge and I’m forgiving (of others I’m still working on being forgiving of myself). My mom always explained how situations might seem from other perspectives (which I try to remember) this helped me to be less judgmental and more understanding of people who I feel have wronged me in some way.

I miss my mom so much, there are so many things in my life that I have needed her for and wanted to share with her. Times when having her to guide me would have made my struggles more bearable. My mom didn’t have an easy life and I’ve always had an added respect for her because she lived her life with such strength and poise despite the hardships. I remember that strength to help me get through my struggles, I remind myself that the strength is somewhere inside me, because my mother put it there. I love you mom and miss you like you wouldn’t believe.

Until next time,

Me

Follow button

Dear Diary,


I know that it was supposed to be just you and me, which would be me and myself, and maybe sometimes I would read too. And that was fine, but someone else wanted to join and so I've added a follow button.

I have to admit it's kind of nice to know that other people care about my jumbled thoughts, and this has lead me to another dangerous game of comparisons. I know I need to work on this, but I've been reading other blogs with lots of followers and I'm comparing mine to theirs, and that is not what this was about. It was about a diary to express my thoughts in a healthy way, that does not involve scars and I have found a way to make it unhealthy. I need to remind myself that this is a diary and not a competition with people who write for a living. It's good to have people support me and offer advice and comments but it's not a competition.

Thank you to my followers and I'd like to ask you to remind me every once in a while that it's about expressing myself and not collecting followers. Oh and thanks for following and reading my random diary entries I know they are all over the place, but that's how my mind works. Hope you enjoy the ride, if not at least you can find get off at the next stop, sometimes I wish I could too (but writing is supposed to help with that).

Until next time,
Me

Luck

Dear Diary,

Today’s entry will be brought to you by the letter ‘L’. ‘L’ is for luck. In the past I have been known to claim that if I didn’t have bad luck I would have no luck at all. I think that statement is unfair. Okay I know it’s unfair, the other day while SO and I were driving home from a wonderful outing (that got rained on) we passed quite a few people going the other way that were getting pulled over. I know that I speed when I drive, not a lot, but more than the speed limit. I don’t always mean to sometimes I just look down and I’m going faster than I should be. Other times I’m running late and I totally mean to speed and I watch the speedometer to make sure it’s in my acceptable speeding range (speed limit to about 5mph over) not much but it makes me feel like I’m making up time.

Anyway all of this rambling was leading up to my point. A lot of the time when people are lucky it’s not something we are aware of. Like the speeding ticket; if I were to get a speeding ticket I would have another example of how unlucky I am. What about all the times I don’t get tickets? I don’t count them as lucky because I’m not thinking about a ticket unless I get one. Just like people don’t always count having food to eat and a roof over their heads as lucky until they are gone. Luck is with me do I have bad luck? Quite often yes. Do I have good luck? More times than I realize that answer is yes also. I guess what I have realized is that if I have something to loose in life, I’m lucky. 

Until next time,

Me

K is for ...

Dear Diary,

Today’s entry brought to you by the letter ‘K’. What topics come to mind for ‘K’ hum … this letter required a bit of thought. Finally it hits me it’s time for another picture. I know I just did a picture for ‘H’ but I have a great picture for ‘K’ so you should just sit back and be glad I’m not writing another woe is me entry because those come all too often. Drum roll please …. Kaleidoscope! I love kaleidoscopes, I could spend hours (full disclosure, probably minutes) looking into a kaleidoscope. We used to take trips to Sea Port Village when I was a kid, I don’t even know if it’s still there but there used to be a shop that sold really expensive kaleidoscopes, the best kaleidoscope was not for sale and it didn’t have colored bits inside it.

This kaleidoscope sat outside the shop in fact I’m not even sure if the kaleidoscope shop is related to the giant kaleidoscope outside but in my mind they are linked. Anyway this kaleidoscope sat outside and faced the ocean, and it was the most amazing and beautiful kaleidoscope ever, sometimes a sail boat would pass by and sometimes birds, but even if it was just the waves crashing on the beach it was beautiful. Then I got older and trips with my family became less important to me and I got too old for kids toys. One day SO, our friend (Significant others sibling from another set of parents, okay that nickname is long how about SOOP sibling of other parents) and I went to a botanical garden where we found a kaleidoscope that looked at plants! Enjoy =)

This is with SOOP's hand, kind of awesome!

I don't know what I was thinking, you are never to old to enjoy a kaleidoscope.

Until next time,

Me

Jobs, justice and jealousy

Dear Diary,

Today’s entry brought to you by the letter ‘J’. ‘J’ should be for justice, but I’m beginning to think that is more a concept than a reality. So ‘J’ will be for job. I have been looking for a job for over a year. SO has been looking for a job for over a year. Neither of us has a job. BB started looking for a job 2 weeks ago, and starts work on Monday. Where is the justice in that? I am just as qualified as BB and SO has a freaking PhD. Alright I’m glad that BB has a job, this means there is someone to borrow money from when our savings runs out.

Seriously though I would understand if it was a personality thing, I admit that BB is more out going than I am. The thing is I never even seem to make it to the interview stage and my cover letters and resume are so up-beat they boarder on perky. I just don’t understand the fairness in a process where two equally qualified people look for a job and one candidate gets one right away and the other waits and waits and waits and hears nothing.

Oh that’s another thing if you are a hiring manager at least let the poor shmucks who didn’t get the job know that the position is filled. It’s rather sad to admit that rejection notifications are exciting because at least you know they got your application and acknowledged your existence.

Until next time,

Me

Imagination

Dear Diary,

Today’s entry will be brought to you by the letter ‘I’. There were surprisingly a lot of words that I thought of for ‘I’. Imagination was the winner. I have to wonder what happened to imagination. Kids used to use imagination to learn and grow and be a part of worlds past, present and future; now they play video games and watch television. I’ve heard people say over and over kids today may spend all their time playing video games and watching television but is that really any different from when kids used to spend all their time reading books. I think yes, books take imagination; you create whole worlds in vivid color from a few words. You can fight with the Knights of the Round Table or make friends with aliens on Jupiter when you read a book. The difference is with a book the landscape of Jupiter or the armor of the knights comes from you, granted some books have pictures but your imagination brings them to life.

I know this song is old we have all heard it, but the more I think about it I realize that nothing is original any more. Nobody is using their imagination. Movies all have the same plot, especially chick flicks, they are all retelling the same stories we have heard before with a change in location or character. I appreciate the hint of irony that I am discussing how nobody has any new ideas and lack imagination, when this topic is not new and lacks imagination. I admit that I don’t have any new ideas, but kids have the best imaginations if we would just let them express them. I also have to admit that this was not a very eloquently expressed entry but some days are like that … with me most days are like that.

Until next time,

Me

Humming bird?

Dear Diary,

Today’s entry will be brought to you by the letter ‘H’. I was ready for another picture post so ‘H’ will be for Humming bird, at least I think it’s a humming bird so that’s what I’m going to call it. I am very sad that I did not have my nicer camera with me when I saw this little guy, so the pictures are not the best but I wanted to share, so here are pictures of what I’m guessing is a type of humming bird, if it’s not and you know what it is please post in the comments and let me know. (if it's not a humming bird this post will be handsome bird)

Until next time,

Me

Games

Dear Diary,

Today’s entry will be brought to you by the letter ‘G’. Gee I had a hard time thinking of a topic for ‘G’ Gullibility? Gluttony? Guns? Gloomy? Grumpy? I figured that after such a heavy topic yesterday I should probably keep it short and light. Maybe something I enjoy, then it hit me games! SO and I are pretty boring people, no clubbing or bar hoping for us. No we spend our evenings watching shows or putzing around the internet. However if we visit friend or have friends over we play games, board games, card games, lawn games, sometimes we even play kid games; I recently played Hi-Ho Cherry-O for the first time. I think the best way to spend time with friends is playing games; you think, laugh, argue and learn things you never knew you didn’t want to know.

Until next time,

Me

PS. what is your favorite game?

Failure

Dear Diary,

Today’s entry will be brought to you by the letter ‘F”. Since I’ve already got a post about flatulence of death, I guess for this challenge ‘F’ will be for failure. Oh did you forget that I’m a bit of a negative person? Well here is your reminder. There are many times when I look at my life and feel like I’m a failure. I’ve failed to obtain my goal education wise. I failed to be there when my mother was sick and dying. I failed to help my older sibling move forward after my mother passed away. I failed to help YS care for my mother when she was at her worst. I have failed to let the past go and start fresh in my relationship with my father. I have failed to find a job in over a year. I have failed in so many things; the failure that hurts the most is when I failed to keep our baby alive. I have failed as a person.

Logically I know that there were many medical problems that prevented our child from surviving but in my heart I feel like I failed, I should have been able to do something. This was not where I intended this diary entry to go. I didn’t think I was ready to talk about this, maybe when I wrote scars it helped me more than I realized. I don’t know but I guess since it came out I’m ready to share a little bit more of the pain I’ve experienced. I guess since it came out in a post about failure you have realized that there are things beyond my control that I internalize as personal failures. The loss of my baby is on the top of that list. Our baby was stillborn and there was nothing I could do, there were numerous serious medical complications with our baby. I think that’s enough for now this was years ago and the pain is still there but we have survived the pain and I guess somehow by surviving I’m not a complete failure. There are things I can’t change, but nothing I can’t learn from. Our baby taught me so much more that I would have thought possible in that short time, I hope that I never fail to remember those lessons.

Until next time,

Me

P.S. Next time wont be so disheartening, I hope.

Exciting and exhilarating

Dear Diary,

Today’s entry will be brought to you by the letter ‘E”. E is for exciting and exhilarating. Adjectives that I wish described me better. My idea of exciting is white water rafting with an experienced guide. My idea of exhilarating is hitting the snooze button an extra time. Not that I think I have to go sky diving or get into confrontations with people who cut me off in traffic to have real excitement. I just wish that every once in a while I had the courage to go out on a limb and do something really exhilarating like hitting the snooze button two extra times, or taking our raft down the rapids without a  hired guide. To do something that will thrill the adventurer who lives inside me and longs to be let out every so often.

Until next time,

Me