Roommates can be friends, but friends should never be roommates

Dear Diary,

I have wanted to write about this for a while, but I'm having a hard time articulating exactly what I'm feeling and experiencing. I have a feeling this is going to be a rambling post with thought tangents branching out in all directions, but we will see. The topic that I'm going to attempt to tackle is how living with BB has changed our friendship, my views of BB and my views of myself.

The most general way to put this is that by living with BB I have somehow lost my best buddy. BB will always be one of my closest pals, but there is an element that died when we became roommates. First off being around someone all the time is quite different than hanging out with someone (generally during good times) then going home to different locations. When you are hanging out you naturally interact the whole time, because you will have your quiet alone time latter, but when you live with someone it's hard to know when the other person is enjoying quiet alone time and you will be intruding and when they would welcome an interruption. Also when I am moving from one location to another location and I pass BB, there is an awkwardness. I feel I have to acknowledge BB or seem rude, but at the same time I was on my way to do something and don't want to get involved in a conversation right then.

Mostly I miss the open communication that is natural between best buddies. Normally when a roommate does something to annoy you but it's not something you feel is confrontation worthy, you rant about it to your best buddy and they have your back, even when it's something stupid like not rinsing out the dishrag after using it. If your best buddy is your roommate, where do you turn? When you and your significant other have a disagreement, you hash it out with your best buddy. If you live with your significant other and your best buddy that puts your best buddy in an awkward situation because they have to live with your significant other too.

I have learned a lot about BB that is hard to reconcile with the person I knew before, or thought I knew. For the longest time I was under the impression that BB was much smarter than I was, but living together I have learned that BB is trivia fact smart. I guess I was under the impression that because BB was the first to speak up and replied with confidence BB must be correct, even if I was thinking something else was correct. Previous to our living together, I was under the impression that BB's stories were closer to the actual event, rather than as embellished as I see they are. I have learned that BB struggles with self esteem when before I was under the impression that BB was confident and unfazed by the remarks of others.

I have learned that I am a stronger person than I believed. I have realized that by comparing myself to how I perceived other people was not fair to me and was skewing my self perception, because no matter how it seems everyone has their own struggles. I have learned that I judge those I care about harsher than I judge strangers. I hold the people I care about to standards that are sometimes unrealistic for who they are. I am now aware that I need to work on acceptance and understanding of my loved ones. I understand that even your best buddy wants you to see them in the best light possible and hide their flaws. My eyes have been opened to the fact that no matter how annoying BB is, no matter how embellished BB's stories are, no matter how many times BB takes credit for my thoughts or insights, no matter how much I secretly cuss BB; I will always be there for BB and I will always care about BB. I only hope that when we are no longer roommates we can renew our friendship to what it was before.

Until next time,
Me

Placating

Dear Diary,

Today I commented on a blog that I read occasionally when the title sounds interesting. The comment that I made was to my mind simply a different perspective, but the blog author took great offense to the comment. To start with I did post anonymously, not because I was trying to hide who I was but because it was easier. I will admit that if a person writes a negative comment and does so anonymously it comes across as cowardly, but I do not feel my comment was negative. To my way of viewing it my comment was actually more positive than the other comments. Once she questioned the anonymity I replied explaining that I meant no offense and leaving my name.

The blog was about a woman who was taking a celibacy break to regroup from (her words) "the parade of douches in my life". The post I read today was titled "Celibacy Fail" sounds interesting right, and it was. Her post came down to the fact that she had meet a guy and was now dating him, because he seems nice. My comment was " Reality check, they all seem nice until they seem douchey. Maybe the reason you seem to meet douchey guys is because you feel they are worth breaking a commitment to yourself, if he really is a great guy not only will he honor your commitment to yourself but he will be supportive and encouraging of said commitment." What I don't understand is what there is to take offense to in this comment. Isn't that like taking offense to someone saying you deserve to be respected?

The point of my entry has little to do with what her post was about or even what my comment said. My post is why does every comment have to be placating the writer of the blog? Every other comment was placating, I went through some of this blogger's older posts and guess what every comment this blogger has gotten (that I read) is placating, it's not sharing of other insights or perspectives, it's mostly patting this lady on the back for everyday stuff or telling her that they agree with everything she said. 

I wondered if other blogs were like this so I headed over to some of my favorites which you can find on the right side panel. Not really, most comments are positive, (but I feel that my comment was positive, just not what the blogger wanted to hear) but they share personal experiences that are related, or give additional info. Maybe the point of this blogger's blog is to have people tell her how wonderful she is, if that's the case I have to wonder about her self-esteem, and how her regular readers know this. Maybe I don't understand because I don't really write to amuse the masses. My writing serves a cathartic purpose, If others read it and can help me figure things out, point me in another direction, or just give me a different perspective for my random thoughts and entries then all the better.

I do not want people telling me they agree with everything I have to say, I want their insights. I want something that can help me to better my understanding of the topics I write about. I would love if someone were to read this and be able to tell me what was offensive about my comment to the other blogger, shed some light on it so I can see it in the same way as the blogger whom I inadvertently offended. Moral of the story if you read my blog do not feel the need to placate me, do feel the need to give it some thought and share your perspective.

So do you think most bloggers want to be placated? I'll have to think so more on this.

Until next time,
Me