Mother's day

Dear Diary,

Guess what it's Mother's day again. I know it's supposed to be a wonderful day but I think it sucks! I miss my mom so much, there are a lot of times through out the year that I think of my mom and miss her. Mother's day I am reminded of my loss again and again all day long. Everyone on Facebook talks about how they are spending the day with their mom and I'm reminded that my mom has been gone for over 10 years. A lot has happened in those 10 years that I have needed my mom for. So many things in life I always just assumed my mom would be a part of, so much advice I've never gotten. Just because I'm an adult doesn't mean I don't need my mom, heck I lost her just as I was beginning to appreciate the wisdom of her advice and the wealth of knowledge she had to offer. Sure my mom and I were always close even when I was a teenager, but what teenager really appreciates the advice of parents? I am glad that I never pushed her away that I spent quite a bit of time with her when I had the chance. I am grateful for the time I did have with her, I just wish this stupid holiday would cease to exist so I didn't have to spend a whole day thinking about how different things would be if she were still with me. Add to that the loss of our baby and it makes this day that much more emotionally charged and harder to deal with.

I know there are a lot of people that have lost their mothers and find this day difficult. I know there are a lot of women who have lost babies or never conceived who suffer through this holiday watching others who live their dream celebrate. I know there are a lot of people who love their mothers, but do we really need a holiday for people to show their mothers that they are loved? Do we really need a holiday to remind people to do something nice for their mothers? Does every cashier need to ask me if I've remembered a mother's day present and point to the gift baskets they are supposed to push? Is it petty of me to want to make them feel bad? I really want to say " My mother is dead, Thanks for reminding me" but I don't I politely say no thank you and cry inside because the gift basket had a gardenia scented candle which was my moms favorite.

Until next time,
Me